Monday, February 18, 2008

A Pissy CD 17 with a positive ending.

I'll start with the positive ending.

I've been doing an ovulation predictor kit even though they say PCOSers can get false positives and even though I never did one before when I was ttc, pi. Just thought I'd do it, and if I remember correctly, Dr. Fox even recommended it.

So I had a couple negative results--and yesterday evening when I took one, it was CLEARLY positive! Especially when I put it up to the other ones. So, maybe I'm about to ovulate. Trying as though I am. :)

And then there was the pissiness of yesterday. Sometimes when I look at my toddler deep in the throws of a tantrum, which happens, oh, daily, around here, I can't help but see myself in him. Yesterday I had a silent little tantrum at my church--which by the way has to be the most fertile place on the planet! As I watched a couple of pregnant ladies walk up for communion I just felt overwhelmed with sadness. Now, I am happy for these women, most of whom I know personally and love and I am glad they're having their babies! But...I just kept thinking (even though I know it isn't always so simple) they decided to have those babies, stopped using birth control and eventually got pregnant. Maybe even the first month. I can't help but wonder what it feels like to decide to have kids and then try and then have them. (As opposed to deciding to have kids, trying for 9 mos with not a single period before the fertility specialist will see you, having that appointment cancelled, waiting another month, seeing the specialist, going on meds, never ovulating, going on more meds, seeing the doctor all the time, and then (and I know the good part is the same for us all) I did get pregnant and have a baby. . .I just am feeling sad for myself that my story has so many more parts and I wish it were more simple.

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