My re appt is tomorrow. I'm strangely excited, though I don't think it's wise.
I remember that last time around the worst days were doctor appt days. They were the days that no part of me could deny this was happening...
Of course, I also remember the resolve that typically returns shortly after an appointment and the high that comes with the hope and feeling like I'm at least doing something of CD 1-14. (Let me just remind you how distant a memory CD 1 is to me now...It wasn't even HALLOWEEN!)
And, it should be said that of course, I also remember the anxiety and fear of CD 15-27.
And then there is CD 28.
Too many negative pregnancy tests to count on CD 28.
I hate CD 28, even more than CD 97 (which is today).
I hope that a way secondary infertility differs from primary is that I'm busier, and maybe too busy to feel the intensity of this roller coaster of emotions.
I'm afraid what will actually happen is things will get stored up and it'll be like I'm on one of those roller coasters that just plunges you hundreds of feet down all at once.
I don't know. Neither option looks so good.
oh, and rember that post that was titled something like "aarrgghhh" (she asks sheepishly), well, my dear friend called today to apologize and ask my forgiveness for her insensitivity. Made me cry. She is a really good friend and I do forgive her.
until tomorrow.
StupidFreakingCD 97
Metformin 1500mg
1 Day until RE Appt!
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
this many people have read my blog. thank you.
About Me
- HopingDangerously
- my thorn is infertility. my gifts are my husband and son.
Blog Archive
-
▼
2008
(26)
-
▼
January
(15)
- let's end the maddness already!!!!
- timing.
- the run-around
- The Big Day!
- vent of the day: i hate insurance!and I can't wai...
- a little peanut butter and jelly sandwich (in)fert...
- tomorrow.
- hey you--it's me, two years ago. quit your compain...
- ARRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
- alone.
- the re's office called today to say that a. I shou...
- this morning I was feeding my son some milk just a...
- green
- the title.
- this new blog.
-
▼
January
(15)
2 comments:
Good luck at your appointment tomorrow. I'm likely to be in a very similar boat soon and everything you've written just rings so true. (I have a 15 month old conceived by IUI, PCOS, still haven't gotten a post-partum period, might be starting to try again this summer - the idea of facing infertility and negative pregnancy tests and treatments and everything else again scares me to death).
Here's hoping that your next CD 28 is a great one.
-Ann (tragicoptimist.wordpress.com)
Ahhhh! Although I am currently in cycle (and in the 2ww), My last cd1 was Sept 13th, 2007! Well, actually it was Oct 14th, 2007. Sept 13th was the last cd1 that I had a ttc cycle. Once the oct 14th cd1 hit, I had uterine surgery after uterine surgery, only now in my first post surgical ttc cycle!
Good luck with your appointment.
As I read your blog, I see we are quite alike. It took 18 months to conceive my first. I have a husband from both Texas and New England. And had a huge fear of secondary if.
But, primary if doesn't naturally mean secondary. When I decided to ttc for my second, I assumed secondary IF would be part of the plan and I snuggled down for the ride. I waited for that first cycle to start and we tried. And we got pregnant. Huh? I am NOT someone who gets pregnant on the first try! But I did. And I didn't have to claim the "secondary IF" title.
Although, I am now on c16 of ttc#3. I did have to eventually claim the "secondary if" title after not conceiving on our first 12 months of trying.
I know you have PCOS, which is a different circumstance than my own, but just wanted to give a little positive vibe to you - that if you manage to get a cycle back, you may find yourself pregnant in your first 12 months and you won't have to wear the "secondary if" title. For now, take comfort in the fact you are simply ttc#2. Don't go right to "infertile" status - It may just suprise you! :)
Post a Comment